On October 9th as I sat outside, because I couldn't stand to be awake in the quiet house. The sun came up just like every other day.  I remember thinking, "I made it to October 9th.  I survived October 8th."  I was thankful to see the most beautiful sunrise.  The kids wanted pancakes for breakfast.  Thank goodness Brent had the strength to make them because I didn't.  This was the first day of our "new normal."  

How did we make it?  God.  He just kept showing His love for us over and over.  Here are a few amazing things He did.

*Over and over again, someone would knock on the door and have something we needed.


*We went to make arrangements for the funeral and the funeral director was from our hometown.  We knew that and that is why we chose him.  He was so kind and patient as we had no idea what we were doing.  It was so comforting to have him helping us.

*I thought I lost the note from the stranger in the surgery waiting room.  I had searched our suitcase, diaper bag and everything else we had drug to the hospital with us.  I couldn't find it. The day of visitation I was waiting for Brent at the funeral home. We were going to see our little girl for the first time since we had to leave her at the hospital.  The song "Held" came on the radio as I waited.  We had decided that we would have this song sung at Hadley's funeral.  I reached into my purse to get a kleenex and there it was.  The note that I had lost was right on top of my billfold.  I had been in my purse since we had left the hospital but never saw the note before that moment.  It wasn't crumpled.  It was still perfectly folded just like the day it was put in my hand.

*After leaving the funeral home, I took Brent's car and went to pick up pictures that a friend had put together for the visitation.  I called ahead to see if they were done.  When I called, they told me that their machine was broken and they would not be printing until tomorrow.  I burst into tears and explained that I HAD to have the pictures that day for my baby's visitation. They told me to come in 30 minutes and they would have them.  I don't know where they printed them but when I arrived I received a huge hug from the clerk I spoke to.  She so gently removed the beautiful pictures from the envelope and explained that they kept all the "mistake" ones and they were free. The others were already paid for.  Now I had extras to share with family.  As I left and got into Brent's car, I realized that his radio was set to our hometown radio station.  They were reading Hadley's obituary.  I hadn't heard it before that moment.

*Days after Hadley's funeral, Brent and I had to meet to begin the process of designing a headstone for Hadley.  Kinley had to go with us and quickly informed the woman helping us that she would like an orange headstone.  Kinley has a way of making us laugh, even in the toughest of times.  God knew we would need her spunk and wit when we gave us our Kinley.  As we left I turned on the radio and it was on again.  The song "Held" was on the radio.  We have continued to be reminded that we are being held, just as the song says.

*The day I visited Hadley's grave for the first time after the funeral was by myself.  Brent was at work and I went home to go to the cemetery and see my mom and dad.  I got cold so I sat in the car for a while to warm up and the song "Save a Place for Me" came on the radio.